In Ephesians 4:14-16, the apostle Paul warns us against being wind-tossed and blown about “by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love,...grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

We need to be honest and loving in our words. A commitment to the truth is vital but lost when not shared in the context of kindness. Any relationship not anchored on truth and kindness is headed for shipwreck. So here are some dos and don'ts of speaking the truth in love:

DOS
1. Be true to yourself and to others. You can’t live a lie, nor can you move a relationship forward based on flattery or superficiality.
2. Think before responding. How would I react to the words I’m about to say? Is there another way to say it that is gentler and avoids embarrassment or hurt?
3. Clarify rather than confront. Ask questions to discover the other person’s perspective or understanding of the issue. In other words, throw away your pre-meditated, one-sided script. Seek to understand before being understood.
4. Get to the point rather than dance around an issue. People appreciate honesty and get frustrated with a lack of clarity.

DON’TS
1. Don’t grunt, grimace, or growl when speaking openly and honestly with others. Your non-verbals (body language) are louder than words. This includes the rolling of eyes, sighs, and cries.
2. Don’t belittle or condemn. Praise honest effort and always insert something positive into a tough conversation. Compassion wins the day!
3. Don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking. Always give them the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn’t you want them to do the same for you?
4. Don’t exaggerate or tell “little white lies.” Over time people will become suspicious of everything you say and remember—little lies turn into whoppers!

Be honest and loving in your words. Truth mixed with kindness builds trust, and trust is essential for success!