Stephen Covey tells a story about riding on the New York subway one peaceful Sunday morning. A father and his four children boarded the train at one station. Shattering the tranquility, the children began to run wild while the man slumped down motionless in his seat. Covey wondered why he didn’t make any attempt at all to control his kids; they were causing havoc and disturbing the peace for all the other passengers. Covey’s negative feelings toward the man began to build. Finally, he confronted the man only to discover that the children’s mother—his wife—had just died and they were on their way home from the hospital.

Through this story, Stephen Covey introduces the concept of paradigm shift. It’s easy to form negative assumptions and opinions when not stopping to consider alternative possibilities or entertaining an empathic posture toward others. Sometimes what’s needed is a complete paradigm shift in our thinking.

In Ephesians 4:1-3, Paul exhorts, “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” We should always assume the best intentions since we cannot fully know someone else’s motives. We simply need to trust them, bearing with them in love.

Consider also how a humble and gentle spirit disarms an adversarial mindset. Proverbs 15:1 states that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” So count to ten before responding; be patient; resist the urge to fly into a rage. Put on humility and gentleness (see Colossians 3:12).

Peacemaking is not easy, but it is rewarding. So live your life worthy of the calling you received...keep the unity, for “Blessed are the peacemakers...they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9).